The look of innocents in his eyes scared me, I looked at him looking up at me with no concerns or worries, just being. Full of love, hope and expectations now he sees our life as it is, hard and seemingly unfair, he is my son my blessing. It almost seems like I am reliving my own childhood, I grew up watching my mother work hard to make ends meet and ensuring that I had all the things I needed and most of the things I wanted. I saw how hard she struggled, and she would always tell me that education is the key to freedom. She prayed, worked hard, loved, grew older and it was finally her time to go to her heavenly home, but that was not to be the end of her story. She taught us how to love, she taught us the value of working hard and putting God first in all things. She taught us how to pray and most of all she taught us the value of gratitude. As I write this, I am fighting back the tears and wishing she was here in the natural. Today I feel like I failed as I fell short in some way, I am happy that she taught me how to pray and lean on God in these times I miss you, mom. Living is hard, living without you here is a challenge but, living my life in a way that honors God and you is the reason I get up in the morning. This season has been very hard, it has been a challenge, it’s been a season sowed in tears, and riddled with more questions than answers. It has been a season that I have had to trust the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit. It’s been a season full of self-reflection including my intentions, and relationships. I find myself needing others and yet, I can’t seem to find anyone to trust with my heart. It’s a season of growth and it is so uncomfortable. I have found myself looking for Christ in others instead of looking inward. I am more aware of people’s intentions while watching their actions. I also found myself wanting to go back to a time when I understood what was going on, and I functioned in my dysfunction. So, I have started to pay attention to the little things and see God at work in my valley season. I have had great joys and wonderful moments however as I navigate in this seemingly dark valley, I am reminded of the open tomb in Luke 24:1-8 “ On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away and the tomb was empty, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright, the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, why do look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee. The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again. Then they remembered his words.” In these valley seasons, I remember His words, such as in Mathew 19: 26 “Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” And I hold tight to Psalm 30:5 “For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. “So, Lord I choose to praise you from this season, because I know fully well, and I am fully able to say that the God I serve is the God of the impossible. I trust that if He provides breath, things will change and work out in my favor because He has favored me. Amen
For anyone missing a loved one the comfort of the Holy Spirit is real, and if you would like to reach out to someone feel free to reach out to me.