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Who Do I Blame For The Pain?


I recall a period in my life where I blamed God. I was angry with Him. I remember sitting on the side of the bed in excruciating emotional pain that had turned physical. I could feel it in my stomach as it ached, and as I sat there crying out to God (WHY), how could you allow this to happen? I am not ready to live without them. (WHY LORD, WHY). How am I supposed to do this? Now I am alone in Florida, with no family, no one that I will allow to get close to me, and now I am dealing with the betrayal of the man that was supposed to love me. Why Lord, why. As I sat on the bed searching for some sign of hope, wanting answers to seemingly impossible questions. I voiced the pain in my heart. God, I blamed you for allowing me to hurt like this. The same way you did not step in when I was a young girl and helpless, where were you then, where are you now. If you are a good God, then why. After a long cry which involved a lot of screaming and blaming, I reached for my bible. And went directly to 1 Samuel 1, and there is where my healing journey started. It was Hannah's story that kept me sane as time went on. I would eventually read the entire book of first and second Samuel. It was 1 Samuel 1:10-11 that help me sleep that night. It states, "In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." Let me be clear here I was not dealing with the same issue as Hannah was in the passage, but I was dealing with an issue that required Godly intervention. I was crying out bitterly to the Lord for deliverance from the pain of the situation. As the story goes on, you will see that not only did God answer Hannah's prayer, but He also exceeded it. And I am here to tell you not only did God provide comfort, but He also exceeded it in my life as well. If you are reading this blog today, please take note of one important factor. Even as I blamed God and was angry with Him, I understood that my healing could only come from Him. This understanding is critical for believers. Please hear my heart; turn to God even in seasons you do not understand. I will leave you with a scripture passage from Isaiah 40:28-29, "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."


Remember, God loves you, and so do I.





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