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I Caught Myself Doing It…

Updated: Mar 14, 2021

This week I was faced with yet another judging moment. This moment revealed another unresolved character flaw. Someone that I use to know passed away, and I keep going back to the person they use to be. I could not reconcile the statements that were made at their home going to what I recall about them. It bothered me to the point that it affected my attitude and behavior even toward the family. I was not outrightly rude; I was a bit standoffish. I was not able to be authentically who I am. My behavior drove me to the Lord, and I asked, Lord why am I like this? I want to help and console and not have this tight, closed-off energy that would not allow me to do what I genuinely wanted to do. So, why Lord, why? As I was in prayer, the Lord revealed that I had not done this for myself so, it was hard for me to do it for others. I had not genuinely accepted myself as the person I am today. It was difficult for me to see and accept that others have changed because I still had issues with my own change. He expressed that I did a good job of hiding it from time to time, but the issue was unresolved, self-forgiveness. What! Can this be true, then I realized that I carried this err about me everywhere and it showed up in everything I do? And until I could truly forgive myself and accept that I am a new creation, I could not accept it for others. Wow, in Ezekiel 36:26-27 AMP version, it states, “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My ordinances and do them.” It was time for me to face the fact that past mistakes have been Forgiven, and although I cannot change them, I cannot bring them the way they are into where God is taking me. God can use our salvation stories to help others, but He cannot use our guilt and unforgiveness of self. I stop by to remind us all of John 8:36 AMP version “So if the Son makes you free, then you are unquestionably free.” If you are like me struggling with certain types of behaviors or attitudes toward others, you know is not of God and does not fit the person you are now. Then go to God in prayer. He will give you language to identify the issue, and heal the broken places. I am not saying it will be a one-time thing. It may even be daily, but healing through Christ always produces healthy growth. And much fruit.

Remember, God loves you, and so do I.

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