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Broken Cistern

One of the things in life that brings me joy is writing, I came across an old journal, from 2016 and as I began to read it one page struck me, I had written down a dream I had about becoming a writer. I love words. I am also not the greatest at grammar and for years I would allow this fear to paralyze me. Fear is a powerful influencer if you allow it, it will stop you from realizing your God-given potential. Let me share with you one of my many fear stories. I met my ex-husband shortly after I lost my mother, I was on a manhunt. I wanted to get married simply because that is the one thing my mother wanted before she died, and I set out to make it happen. Prior to marrying my ex-husband, there was a defining moment in our relationship. I could hear God clearly about this relationship however I had a mission. My ex and I were on a trip and I was uncomfortable the entire trip, I spoke with him about some choices we were making in our relationship and he stated that he would leave if I pull certain things off the table. I left the room walked outside the hotel cried pleaded with God and He clearly told me no. Yet I when back upstairs and did the opposite. I did not trust God enough to meet my needs so, I justified this relationship by telling myself we were getting married. From that moment on I step away from the church, I was a Sunday school teacher, I loved my students, but I could not teach them and live a lie, so I chose the lie. Every Sunday I felt like a hypocrite and eventually I stop attending at all. I was so far from God I did not know what to do. Things were okay for a while but, without God, things are never stable. My ex started to sleep out I would lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep. I eventually ended up back in church and teaching again, and my students got me through my divorce. One of the turning points for me was one night after I had cried and cried the Holy Spirit spoke as clear as day and said to me you are not a fool stop acting like one. I had to face the truth and