Broken Cistern

One of the things in life that brings me joy is writing, I came across an old journal, from 2016 and as I began to read it one page struck me, I had written down a dream I had about becoming a writer. I love words. I am also not the greatest at grammar and for years I would allow this fear to paralyze me. Fear is a powerful influencer if you allow it, it will stop you from realizing your God-given potential. Let me share with you one of my many fear stories. I met my ex-husband shortly after I lost my mother, I was on a manhunt. I wanted to get married simply because that is the one thing my mother wanted before she died, and I set out to make it happen. Prior to marrying my ex-husband, there was a defining moment in our relationship. I could hear God clearly about this relationship however I had a mission. My ex and I were on a trip and I was uncomfortable the entire trip, I spoke with him about some choices we were making in our relationship and he stated that he would leave if I pull certain things off the table. I left the room walked outside the hotel cried pleaded with God and He clearly told me no. Yet I when back upstairs and did the opposite. I did not trust God enough to meet my needs so, I justified this relationship by telling myself we were getting married. From that moment on I step away from the church, I was a Sunday school teacher, I loved my students, but I could not teach them and live a lie, so I chose the lie. Every Sunday I felt like a hypocrite and eventually I stop attending at all. I was so far from God I did not know what to do. Things were okay for a while but, without God, things are never stable. My ex started to sleep out I would lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep. I eventually ended up back in church and teaching again, and my students got me through my divorce. One of the turning points for me was one night after I had cried and cried the Holy Spirit spoke as clear as day and said to me you are not a fool stop acting like one. I had to face the truth and it was this was no marriage. I deserved better I deserved a relationship with Christ who chose me even though I left Him. Once I made that final decision. God removed him completely because of the harm I was doing to myself. Then the healing began and here I am. When I tell you that fear is a thing that will steal your dreams believe me. In Jeremiah 2:13 we are reminded that our commitment to God matters it states “My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. “Let me be clear wanting to get married was not the issue, the fact was that I forsook God and build a broken cistern. I had to repent and come back home. There He was, my Father, waiting with open arms. Let me encourage you today, please return home life may never be easy but with God, it’s an eternal adventure.